Tips for Divorced Parents
In any divorce, children have to adjust to their new living arrangements and splitting their time between two homes. Divorced parents do not always agree on parenting styles, which can lead to more conflict.
There are a few things divorced parents can do to make the situation a little easier for their children. In this blog post, we will discuss some of these things. Here are some tips for divorced parents.
Be Civil
First and foremost, it is important for divorced parents to maintain a civil if not good relationship with each other. This may be difficult at first, but it is crucial for the sake of the children. If they see that their parents are still getting along, even though they are no longer together, it will give them a sense of stability and security.
Kids Need Support
Second, divorced parents should make sure that their children have a strong support system. This includes having time with grandparents, cousins, friends, and possibly a therapist.
Be involved
Third, divorced parents need to make sure that they are involved in their children’s lives. This includes time spent playing with them, reading to them, and just being there for them. Basically, taking an interest in your child and what interests them.
No Negativity
Fourth, divorced parents need to make sure that they do not fall into negative patterns of behavior towards one another. This is not only bad for you, it is terrible for your children. It is okay to be frustrated or angry, but say how you feel and do not act upon it with bad language, or becoming very negative towards your ex in front of your kids.
You probably had good reason for getting divorced, but it is best to keep those reasons away from your children. If your ex is a big problem, they will already know it or will eventually come to realize it.
No Parental Alienation
Fifth, you have to be careful to never talk badly about your ex and their family. If your children have positive experiences with your ex and their family, it will create serious conflict for your kids when they hear you bad mouthing their other family. It can also turn them against their other parent and family, which courts do not look favorably upon.
This is called Parental Alienation Syndrome and should be avoided at all costs as it is a serious matter.
It can be very frustrating, dealing with a hostile ex or one who bad mouths you. You might need to seek legal advice on how to stop that from happening.
Don’t Use the Kids
Sixth thing is that divorced parents should never communicate through their children. If you and your ex do not get along or have a hostile relationship, establish a way to communicate with the other parent that is documented–in texts or emails for example. There are apps explicitly for this purpose. Consider using one. If your ex refuses, then you may need legal advice on how to proceed. Abusive ex’s don’t get to be abusive.
Find a way to set limits with them and although it is understandable why you or they would want to communicate through your kids, it is a really bad idea. Your kids are not messengers and they should not be put in the middle of your relationship with your ex.
We Can Help
If you and your children are having trouble adjusting to a hostile ex or a difficult divorce, or even if you are on good terms with your ex, it may be helpful to talk with a professional. Even the most amicable divorces are stressful. Send us an email or give us a call to discuss how we may help you and your child(ren). info@hhccnj.com or 908-857-4422
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